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The Fashion Assassin
Target: A Free Agent
This episode brought to you by: Ford Focus
Well, duh. You saw the product placement. In fact, I believe that even
people who didn't see this episode saw the product placement, it was
that blatant.
You know, perhaps Sydney would pay the proper amount of morning-after
attention to her hot new boyfriend if he wasn't wrapped up in a sheet to
his neck like a freaking mummy. Seriously, what do we have to do to get
some ShirtlessVaughn around here? Cuz I'll do it. Susan Lyne, I'm looking
at you. You're a woman. You're the head of ABC's entertainment division.
C'mon, pull some strings for your fellow estrogenites. I doubt that
nakeding MV up is high on J.J.'s list of priorities, so you're gonna have
to represent for us. Mmmkay? It's your duty.
Apparently Sydney is concerned that she'll need a weapon at her graduation,
and she chose the Stiletto Heels of Death. In case she needs to stab the
Dean to get the diploma, since, you know, she really didn't have
time to go to class.
Sark + Leather = Good.
The turtleneck sweater suits Sloane. Or perhaps it's just such an
improvement over the patterned shirts with white collars that it seems
better than it really is. No, it actually works.
If we needed any further proof of the power of the hotness that is Michael
Vartan, he provides it by completely transcending the fugliness of the blue
leisure suit with a shirt so bad that even Sloane wouldn't wear it. The
fact that he looks lickable even while wearing Denny Terrio's Dance
Fever cast-offs proves that he can look hot in anything. (Now,
please let us determine if he looks hot in nothing. I'm waiting, Susan.)
And the sunglasses? I think I need some myself, because it's like looking
into the heat of the sun. Whoo, boy, come to mama. I wonder if Sydney
shared my opinion of the blue leisure suit and made him take the horrid
thing off immediately? If you know what I mean.
It's two-for-one day at the Turtleneck Emporium. I bet Dixon would be even
more upset if he knew he was dressing like Sloane.
Vaughn + Leather = Better.
Well, my goodness, it's Miracle Max. If Sydney really wanted to stop
Sloane, instead of pulling a gun, she should've just started yelling,
"Humperdink! Humperdink!"
Wig count: 0 blonde, 0 brunette, 0 redhead
--By Souris, Vartan Ho #4
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