Big Ole Disclaimer: This section is in good fun and not to be taken too literally. Just as we poke fun at the editors in the bloopers section, or at various people/entities in the Penalty Box, this section is meant to find fun from the storylines of the show and the words of the actors and TPTB. We enforce a strict policy toward actor-bashing, but some real-life comments these people make are funny enough, weird enough or sometimes rude enough to warrant some snarking. That also holds true for the things that show up onscreen. Our views on things are just that: OUR views. And our method of coping with things we don't like is just that: OUR method. We don't claim to speak for anyone else. If the Sword of Snarking isn't your thing, the Vartan Hos strongly suggest that you bail on this section and go someplace that is more pleasing to your senses. For instance, pictures of Michael Vartan. We hope that everyone else can get a giggle or two out of this section. We do not condone violence of any kind. We do not respond to flames. Flaming us will only result in our laughing at you. A lot.

- Enjoy! The Vartan Hos

Caption This!
Instructions: At the beginning of a month, we'll put up a picture of Michael or a screen capture from one of his projects. Visitors are to think up the best lines they can for the character(s) in the picture, or make up random comments about what's going on in the scene. The top ten funniest and most original captions will be designated as the 'winners' of that month and put up on the caption page for everybody else to read and see, along with your name and Vartan Ho # if applicable. Please keep your suggestions short. We reserve the right to edit them before posting. The winners and their captions will be decided on by all of the Vartan Ho webmistresses on the last day of the month, so please send in your suggestions a few days before then. You can send in up to two (2) captions for each picture. Have fun everyone and thanks for participating!


Archive

November 2007 -- Canceled
	November The October contest is now closed. See the results below. Please send in your November captions before November 29, 2007. Thanks! Look for the winners of November on December 1, 2007!

October 2007 (#46)
	Winner Krista S., Vartan Ho #4266 Michael: "This high kick is why ABC originally wanted me for 'Dancing with the Stars'."
Runners-Up "Yes, I was going to shove it right up ABC's butt, then they offered me the lead in 'Big Shots'." -- Carol "One small step for man, one GIANT step for Michael Vartan." -- Tera B. Michael (thinking as he kicks): "Okay, I have dark blond hair like David Beckham, I am also from Europe but currently playing soccer in L.A. -- so which Spice Girl do I get for my girlfriend?" -- Agent Cyn, Vartan Ho #4215 Michael decides to embrace his feminine side and audition for the Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall. -- Brandi, Vartan Ho #3160 MV: "You put your right foot in? No, no, left foot in. And you shake it all about? Is that truly what the hokey pokey is all about?" -- Racheal, Vartan Ho #3693 "And a one, and a two, and a three... How do the Rockettes ever do this??" -- Katherine M. Michael (looking at his exposed hairy legs starts channeling his character Tommy from 'To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar'): "Dayum, I knew I should have booked my legs in for that wax last week...." -- Agent Cyn, Vartan Ho #4215

September 2007 (#45)
	Winner MonicaL, Vartan Ho #4276 "See? He's a kid! He was signing autographs with a felt tip pen just before we came in, and look at his arm now!"
Runners-Up "I believe in the right to bear arms. Especially if they belong to this man!" -- Turtle, Vartan Ho #1248 Radha: "You think he's this witty on his own? Nope, look, he has a bunch of one-liners tattooed to his arm." -- flyfog1362 Radha: "See, if someone can't remember their lines we just tattoo it on Michael." -- flyfog1362 "I bet you didn't know that he was the original brother in 'Prison Break' before Wentworth Miller replaced him. They could have at least used TEMPORARY tattoos. Yeesh!" -- Turtle, Vartan Ho #1248 "I'm just taking his pulse to see if his heart races like mine does when we're together." -- Krista S., Vartan Ho #4266 Radha: "Some of the cast and crew brought their kids to the set and I said, 'Michael, I know that you are exhausted, but whatever you do, don't go to sleep near bored toddlers with writing instruments -- it will not end well,' and as you can see -- he didn't listen to me." -- Agent Cyn, Vartan Ho #4215 Radha: "After the wrap party he decided to get a tattoo as a permanent reminder of his time in Australia. Luckily, I managed to talk him out of his first drunken choice of getting a koala and suggested the Southern Cross...." -- Agent Cyn, Vartan Ho #4215 Radha and Michael: "The wrist bone's connected to the arm bone, the arm bone's connected to the elbow bone... EVERYBODY!" Radha (thinking): "The wrist bone's connected to the hunk bone, the hunk bone's connected to the yummy bone..." -- Vartan Ho #4075 Michael: "Yeah, this one was done in permanent ink and will not budge. Luckily, the beard and moustache were only done in crayola markers -- otherwise my casting options may have been somewhat limited...." -- Agent Cyn, Vartan Ho #4215 "He tells everyone it's a tattoo of Australia, but it really just says, I LOVE MY MOM." -- Krista S., Vartan Ho #4266

July (#43) and August (#44) 2007 Contest Results

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