Vitriol, Snark and Rants: The New VSR
...Season 3
Big Ole Disclaimer: This section is in good fun and not to be taken too literally. Just as we poke fun at the editors in the bloopers section, or at various people/entities in the Penalty Box, this section is meant to find fun from the storylines of the show and the words of the actors and TPTB. We enforce a strict policy toward actor-bashing, but some real-life comments these people make are funny enough, weird enough or sometimes rude enough to warrant some snarking. That also holds true for the things that show up onscreen. Our views on things are just that: OUR views. And our method of coping with things we don't like is just that: OUR method. We don't claim to speak for anyone else. If the Sword of Snarking isn't your thing, the Vartan Hos strongly suggest that you bail on this section and go someplace that is more pleasing to your senses. For instance, pictures of Michael Vartan. We hope that everyone else can get a giggle or two out of this section. We do not condone violence of any kind. We do not respond to flames. Flaming us will only result in our laughing at you. A lot.
- Enjoy! The Vartan Hos
They Said It. We Snarked It
The Hos play Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot (that's a Mystery Science Theater 3000 reference for those not
familiar!) with the cast and crew of Alias.
Quote:
"We're trying to be smart about how we do it."
- J.J. Abrams, SciFi Wire
Not. Working. - Kate
Quote:
"We have some storylines that we're working on that could maybe be too extreme," Abrams said in an interview at the Television Critics Association winter press tour in Hollywood."
- J.J. Abrams, SciFi Wire
Yeah, extremely stupid. - Kate
Well, now that they'll have Extreme Makeover as a lead-in, I guess Sunday night is just no-holds-barred extreme television. No plot twist is too outrageous, no character or backstory too beloved to mutilate. "This spring on ABC, Alias: Extreme Triangle! She's an assassin. She's an amnesiac. He's the one they both love. Who will live, who will die, and most importantly, who will breed the Rambaldi contrivance babies? Love hurts--this spring on Alias!" - Mel TM
Quote:
"And I think the fun in it for me is,[...]"
- J.J. Abrams, SciFi Wire
Gee, and here I thought the show was supposed to be for us fans! - Kate
Quote:
"We knew this was going to happen," he said. "She went into this year
hated, and she's still hated as the one who's getting in between
[Sydney and Vaughn]."
- J.J. Abrams, SciFi Wire
And also because she's an awful, misbegotten, poorly acted, energy-sucking, contrived mistake.
You realize, of course, that by telling a lot of bald-faced lies to the
fans about how sympathetic and non-evil Lauren was going to be, you've
completely shot your credibility in interviews all to hell, right,
J.J.? Somehow, I don't equate flat-out lying to the fans with having
respect for them. Funny how that works.- Souris
Quote:
"But we tried as much as possible to draw out her storyline so that you believed, 'Oh, I guess I'm supposed to like her.'"
- J.J. Abrams, SciFi Wire
Yeah... see, that never worked. Ever. EVER. - Kate
Let us all shower you with fruit baskets in thanks for drawing out "as
much as possible" the storyline that most fans STILL can't fucking wait
to see the actual end of, while storylines and characters we actually
WANTED to see were blatantly ignored or glossed over while you were
spending all your time trying to manipulate and pull the wool over the
fans' eyes. - Souris
Quote:
"We couldn't have done this story with Lena."
- J.J. Abrams, SciFi Wire
Yeah, cause she's smart enough to smell a train wreck. - Kate
Quote:
"So when you finally learned that she was evil, it was satisfying."
- J.J. Abrams, SciFi Wire
satisfy (v): to make happy; please; to gratify to the full; to put an end to.
Keep trying to find the correct word. Might I suggest "predictable" and "overdue"? - Souris
Quote:
"You have to reward your fans."
- J.J. Abrams, Zap2it
Reward them with what, extreme character and relationship destruction, a contrived plot device, an ill-advised attempt to rehash UST that only insults the previous specialness of the relationship, a lame and far-too-drawn-out Trianvil that nobody likes, episodes of pointless crap and an awful, show-harming character that gets more air time than several other regulars combined? I think you got "reward" and "punish" mixed up. Because I know this season sure feels a hell of a lot more like the latter. - Souris
Quote:
What sort of fan interaction have you had? A really great reaction. They all don't know who I am. They're all wanting to find out, so that's really interesting for me, that people are really invested, and a good reaction.
- Melissa George, About.com
Then her alarm clock goes off and she wakes up. - Kate
Quote:
Is her marriage to Vaughn is in trouble? No... You don't like that answer, do you?
- Melissa George, About.com
Hopelessly spaced out and dangerously unaware is all I can say. - Spygirl
I don't like a lot of your answers, hon. - Souris
Quote:
Is this type of action new for you? No, Thieves with John Stamos, I did martial arts on that. That was launched the same year as Alias actually and I was like the kick ass girl.
- Melissa George, About.com
Oh, so YOU were the next big thing in 2001? And here I thought the girl on the covers was "the kick-ass girl." Even Will's "I'm it, she's it, we made it!" was more convincing. Say, didn't he have a fake Australian accent when he said that? - Lugia
Quote:
How do you handle these character changes back and forth all the time? It's the only show I've ever read or been on that I have to read the script 10 times before I start filming it. And even on the set, after 20 takes, we're all like, "Oh, thatÕs what it really means." It's such a well written show that you have to really concentrate, so it's difficult.
- Melissa George, About.com
I know. It's hard to concentrate when your head is shoved that far up your own ass. - Kate
Quote:
George recalls, "My brother called me and said, 'No, Melissa, no more lesbians on TV, in films!
This is ridiculous.' I don't know. I guess they just want a woman who looks so unlike a lesbian, that could be a lesbian."
- Melissa George, Zap2It
So, all lesbians look a certain way, and this way is not nearly as cute as MGD sees herself? Niiiiice one. Who will be the target of her superiority complex next? We've got middle Americans, people who go to malls, and real-life lesbians-- tune in next week when MGD offers her candid assessment of people who
use the Internet! She is full of little nuggets of joy. - MelTM
Perhaps we could get MGD to draw us a picture of what exactly a lesbian looks like, so that we may better identify them.... - Souris
Quote:
"[...] but I think some people felt that they had taken drugs themselves when they were watching."
- J.J. Abrams, NY Post
No, no, no, he meant to say *need to have taken drugs* to watch it. You know, like the rest of the season. - Kate
Quote:
"And I guess around Beverly Hills and the area, you don't have people that are freaked out fans, just people that appreciate you as an actor, where as if I go to the middle of America, and I go to a Mall, I'm sure that would be different. Because people here, they do other things beside maybe watching Alias, whereas there are maybe some fans that are so obsessed with it that, yeah, I'd have a problem."
- Melissa George, interview at her official website
After all - we [middle Americans] wouldn't know a Nordstrom's, Bloomingdale's, Prada handbag, Hermes scarf if they came up and bit us in the ass. Shit, the closest thing we ever get to a spa is when we fart in the bathtub from all the Boones Farm wine we drink...while we're watching Alias. Because, after all, we don't do anything else. - Spygirl
Quote:
"Doing all right, aren't I?" George says. "But my favorite was Tony Shalhoub, when I did an episode of 'Monk' called 'Monk Goes to the
Theater.' We did 35 takes to get one shot done because he was laughing so hard at what I was doing."
-Melissa George, Zap2It
Of course, what she was doing was supposed to be dramatic.... - Souris
Quote:
You're the one everybody wants to hate. "But they can't. She's married a man that she loves, how can you hate her for that? Sydney was gone. Two years had gone by, whereas, Sydney fell in love one year after Danny died in a fire. So Danny gets killed and one year later she's off with somebody else, yes he waits two years and everybody hates him."
-Melissa George, Venice Magazine
Danny died in a fire? Excuse me? - Lugia
Quote:
"I've got to say, so far this season has blown me away, 'cause it
just feels like we're in this incredible creative high point with all
these stories we were telling," said Abrams. "It feels like we've got
more juice than ever, and I think the story that we're telling, just
because of the paradigm, this two year jump, adjustments can be
made. It just seems like we're able to focus our stories, making it
that much more intense."
- J.J. Abrams, Sci Fi Magazine
"I've got to say, so far this season has blown me away"
No, that was my gun.
"'cause it just feels like we're in this incredible creative high point [...]"
'High' point. Suuuure. You've got some white powder under your nose there...
"It feels like we've got more juice than ever [...]"
Too. Easy.
"[...] because of the paradigm [...]"
Does he even know what this word means?
"this two year jump, adjustments can be made."
Yeah, like adjusting my television station whenever Alias comes on.
"It just seems like we're able to focus our stories, making it that much more intense."
Intensely craptastic. Good job J.J. How's that Superman screenplay coming along? Is Superman going to dump Lois Lane in the middle of it and hook up with Perry White? Cause, you know, that would be interesting too. - Kate
Quote:
"[...] it's more exciting to want them to be together and watch all of the things they need to overcome, the obstacles that are in the way of their coming together, as opposed to 'Okay, they're together....' "
Ken Olin, October/November 2003 issue of CFQ
...and then JJ pulls his hand out of Ken Olin's ass, places the dummy back on the floor, and takes a bow. - Kate
Quote:
"I think it's absolutely possible, perhaps better, to find ways to keep couples together," says Abrams.
- J.J. Abrams via Watch With Kristin, E! Online
Dudes, JJ changes his tune more than a radio. "It's better to keep couples together"? What happened to "It's more romantic for them to be apart" blah blah crapcakes? Which side of your face are you speaking out of today, Janus? And you have to "FIND" ways to keep couples together? As if it requires searching? As if it's somehow difficult to simply not introduce contrivances to break them apart? -Souris
Listening to fans much? - Lugia
Quote:
"It's one of the more compelling and twisted stories we've done."
- J.J. in Palm Beach Post
Twisted? Maybe. But compelling? Quick! Someone get the dirigible! We
need to fill it up with hot air! - Souris
Quote:
"I hope it helps the ratings, but, at the end of the day, I can't
control the ratings," Abrams says. "I can just control telling the best
stories I can."
- J.J. in Palm Beach Post
So when are you going to start that, then? Cuz if the Trianvil is the
best story you can tell, I'd really hate to see the worst. - Souris
Quote:
It's funny, because I feel like Season Three immediately is, for me, more fulfilling than both prior years.
- J.J. in the Dallas Observer
That is funny. Ha. Ha. Ha. :sob: I think you might want to look up the
definition of "fulfilling" again. - Souris
Quote:
"George: She will be working in the intelligence community, [but] I'm not saying which part. And she's just an incredibly... I'm not going to make her unlovable. Every woman can relate to being married to somebody [with] another woman [in the picture], and that's basically what is going to be going on. And she's a very ambitious, very strong, very intelligent woman; she's not going to let too much go past her. And she's very protective of her man, as every woman would be. But at the same time, she really looks up to Jennifer's character. She knows about her, she's read about her, so there's that whole thing going on as well. I think she's going to be fighting a lot of emotions. "
- Melissa George, TV Guide Online
Oh, and I'm sure Syd and her will be the BESTEST of friends! Yeah,
that's realistic. Boiling this down to two women fighting over a man -- even a man as hot
as MV -- is nauseating. Could it be more juvenile? Is turning Vaughn
into Felicity -- being torn between two people and unable to make up
his fucking mind -- supposed to be his "best storyline ever" that JJ
mentioned??? What is he, 16?
Maybe we can call her Fowley 2.0. - Souris
Yeah, 'cause you know that whole Felicity-Ben-Noel thing, where among
the core players everyone also slept with 50 other people before
coming to a final decision, THAT never got old. I feel a Reed Screed in the works.
Maybe at the very end Sloane will have a long white beard and taunt
Sydney from the desert, where he will be blown away by a large
explosion and we'll get to see his skeleton. And somewhere along the
way there will be a naked Lucy Lawless. - MelTM
Quote:
If you want specific details on the new project from "Alias" executive producers Alex Kurtzman-Counter and Roberto Orci, you may need special clearance. The duo has a put pilot commitment with ABC to write and executive produce a drama about the Secret Service. According to the Hollywood Reporter, the new series, produced through Touchstone TV, will focus on a young woman balancing her career in the Secret Service with her marriage. Kurtzman-Counter describes the show as a hybrid of "The French Connection" and "thirtysomething."
- Zap2it.com
Isn't it such a blatant rip-off? I'm scared they think they could land a hit with that. They're betraying their OWN SHOW. We're not BLIND and DEAF yet. - Lugia
Quote:
"[...] there's going to be a love triangle this year".
- Jennifer Garner, Extra
A love triangle, I've never seen one of those before. It should be awesome! - Souris
J.J. Abrams: Committed to continual innovations in prime-time television. - MelTM
"This year"?! But it's really fascinating in a sort of twisted way. I wonder why in God's
name he's so dead-set on having a show about triangles. How will he be able
to incorporate THAT into the Bounty Hunter show? I'm sure he's losing sleep
over it already. - Lugia
Quote:
"This is the first time we have played with a triangle on the show but, the thing about it is, I love Melissa's character," Jennifer reveals. "I do not blame Vaughn at all for falling for her and Sydney respects Lauren, so it's not as if she is put there for the audience to hate. Everyone should be conflicted as to what the best resolution of this triangle should be."
- Jennifer Garner, ET
The first triangle? Puhleease. And I don't care what we 'should' feel. -Lugia
Quote:
The electrifying Emmy Award winning spy drama [...] returns for an emotionally gripping third season.
- http://www.abcmedianet.com/
Not sure if this should go in spoilers or articles. Or the fucking
trash can where it belongs! - Souris
Quote:
"For those who still don't know, Vaughn's new wife is Melissa George, the gorgeous Aussie who had a short-lived run on ABC's Thieves two seasons ago. In person, she's a blond Sydney of sorts--charming, sweet and undeniably strong--so much so it sounds like even Syd might have a hard time disliking her.
"Actually, I am loving the aspect of the triangle," Jennifer Garner said of her new romantic rival. "Melissa is an excellent foe. And what I love is that [Sydney] really respects her. They're not catty, they're not rude, they have every reason to think the most of each other--which is what sort of digs the knife even deeper. They both love this man. But Sydney loves him enough to let him go."
- Kristin, Jennifer Garner, Watch with Kristin
I'm looking forward to my next dental appointment more. - Souris
I think we've now entered the Alias parallel universe. Because I
tell you, it is wrong wrong wrong that I, [...] look forward to
the next episode of "The O.C." moreso than the next episode
of "Alias." But I so do. A couple more news items like this, I'm
not even going to feel bad about it. - MelTM
I think that, if it wasn't the fish, MV got sick when he realized he
was going to have to pretend to be in love with this whack-job all
season. Lord knows the rest of us are sick about it. - SB
Quote:
Syd-Vaughn fans might not rejoice at first, but Abrams insist
viewers will grow to like the new character. "ItĒs not at easy as Vaughn married some bitch", he says. "ThatĒd be adolescent. She is someone who
is experiencing this totally f**d up situation, and you sympathize with her."
- TV Guide
You know what, now I am resolved to hate MGD out of principle. I
don't care if they make her to be this Mother Theresa character who
solves world hunger and brings peace on earth while ironing Vaughn's
shirts and cooking a mean dinner: I will hate her out of principle,
no matter how they make manipulate me to like her. I don't care, call it adolescent. I'm entitled. And I don't have to
like someone just because someone tells me to. - SB
You know what this is? Ally McBeal, of all
things. "I love Billy, but oh his wife is so nice, how can I break
them up? Maybe we'll all try to be unlikely friends instead and
everyone can cheat on everyone until the show becomes such a joke
that people cringe when they hear the name of it!" - MelTM
Quote:
"Vaughn at his most married."
- J. J. Abrams via Watch w/ Kristin
I swear, J.J. must stop talking before my desire to claw at his throat long-distance becomes irrepressible. - Mel
Can I ask, exactly, what the hell is that suppose to mean? "At his most married." For fucks sake, was he only 'slightly' married the day before and will be 'marginally' married the day after? Does stages of being 'married' come and go like PMS...with the moon cycles or something? - Spygirl
Quote:
"Melissa George has a cool intelligence and a sexy confidence. Though she's this beautiful and whip-smart woman, she's also able to project real vulnerability. She's complex, something this role requires."
- J. J. Abrams via Watch w/ Kristin
Hmm, that's funny - I liked this much better back when it was SYDNEY'S/JEN's bio! Remember those days? I'm going to send JJ a cross and nails for Christmas. That way, everytime he feels his show isn't getting good enough reviews, he can have Melissa crawl on up and nail herself to it.
Why do i keep hearing 'Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!' everytime i open a link to a new Melissa George pimping rave, er, I mean article? - Kate
Quote:
"If you gasped when you saw it, imagine what a sucker punch it was to those of us who spent the last two years earning this relationship."
-Jennifer Garner, Entertainment Weekly
Whoo-hoo! Jen gets it! Jen gets it! - Souris
Quote:
"And they wrote it this way because they thought it was interesting?
-A skeptical Craig Kilborn to Melissa George, about the Trianvil,
The Late Late Show With Craig Kilborn
Craiggers, marry me. I might even forsake Conan for you after that comment. - Souris
Quote:
"I've said before if there was one more scene in which Sydney and
Vaughn look at each other longingly and then walk away, I was going to
kill myself."
- J.J Abrams, Zap2it.com
He's such a liar. Halfway through a passel of them in Season 3, and
he's still alive. - Souris
Quote:
"It's not good; it's not pretty."
- Jennifer Garner, on Extra
No shit. - Souris
Quote:
"Creating this show is like being Sydney. You keep finding yourself in
these incredibly crazy circumstances and you have to be creative as you
find your way out."
- J.J Abrams, Zap2it.com
Um, doesn't he realize that he WRITES himself into these "crazy
circumstances"? It's not like he's plopped down into the middle of the
plot by some giant, unseen hand and the voice of God booms, "Now get
yourself of THIS mess that you had nothing to do with setting up,
Writer Boy!" - Souris
The crazy circumstances are contrived by Rambaldi, silly. J.J. has
assembled all the pieces of this wacky puzzle we call "Alias," and
after two seasons of buildup, he finally got the answer to all the
plot twists and backstory and tangled relationships--the Rambaldi
device spit out the word "Triangle." And as you can imagine, this
one simple word opened up a UNIVERSE of storytelling possibilities!
J.J. is confused by his own genius! - MelTM
Quote:
"It's interesting that Michael and Jennifer's dating coincides with a
story line where they're not together on the show."
- J.J. Abrams, USA Today.
Yes, J.J., yes it is interesting that MV and JG happen to be dating in
real life when they aren't on the show. Your irony sensors are in
overdrive! It's also interesting that you've found the time in your
schedule to develop into such a massive prick. - MelTM
Quote:
"Yes, we've rocked the boat, but the ride to come will prove that it
was worth it."
- J.J. Abrams, Zap2it.com
Iceberg, right ahead! - Souris
Quote:
"When people see where it's going, I think it's a phase of our show
that will wind up being one of their favorites."
- J.J. Abrams, TV Guide
Let's see, delay, delicious, deluge, delusional, there's the
word! - Souris
Quote:
"We were kicking bad guys. It was really, really cool, and I actually
-- you'll be the first to know this -- I put Jennifer through a wall,
by accident. They were like, 'You come on this show, and in your first
fighting scene ever, you put her through the wall!' I didn't hurt her.
I just said, 'It's Jennifer's muscles. They're so defined and strong,
that she's the one that did it.' It was just all out of hand."
- Melissa George, Zap2it.com
So, somehow, through some heretofore-unknown laws of physics (or
perhaps just cover-your-ass-itis), Jennifer is to blame for you putting
her through a wall? Why am I seeing that "Not Me!" character from the
Family Circus cartoons that showed up whenever one of the kids was
naughty and wouldn't own up to it? - Souris
 Back to the New VSR
|
